It was three years ago when my marriage died. There were symptoms, but I would always look the other way. I married so young, I thought, I only have to wait until time heals every thing. For me God was distant, nowhere to be found when I decided to end it all. Two children, and many ‘well intentioned’ friends, saying so many lies, which I believed at the time, not really knowing  my palms were slowly and dangerously facing down.

I was closing my hands and my life, to the best present God had given me 18 years ago. The father of my children, the man who God had hand picked for me, before I was even born. How could I have known then, that a wonderful marriage is not built on my own strength, but on the perfect plans God has for me?

I hurt, I cried, I felt I was in the middle of a raging storm,  I really wondered if God had forgotten about me, and my two children. I was so wrong, I had rejected His wonderful present, listening to the words of the world, the poisonous words that said: ‘you married the wrong man, there will be someone better for you’.

I had been listening to the wrong voices all along, so in the midst of all the suffering I paused, and listened to one person. One bright and windy morning when we were climbing a mountain, just for exercise and fun, in the middle of the pine trees he said “God rejoices in love, He can work miracles, and He can heal broken marriages, I have seen His glory, He will do it for you too!”. I never saw this person again, and I have never forgotten these words, because at the time, they sounded like the wind that was blowing, like the water of the creek we had just crossed, but now those words mean everything to me. Those are the words of truth that set me free from the pain, the guilt and the sadness.

From that day on, this person must have prayed for me, my marriage, and my children. A fresh wind began blowing through the pain, and God’s love slowly started bringing hope into our lives. The Lord softly taught me I had to let go, because my hands were busy trying to grasp the scraps the world offers when we are down surrounded by guilt and sorrow. My hands needed to make room for what was really worthy and eternal.

God began whispering his words of truth to me, gently opening up my hands to receive a husband, a father a family, forgiveness, love and so much more. I learnt that with out God, there is no relationship in life worth saving. With out God I walk in blindness, and my palms up, remind me that it is by trusting him I will see the light. My palms up are always ready for his unique gifts of mercy. What touches me the most is that I do not deserve these presents, but He puts them in my open hands any way, and that brings me closer to His heart, and changes mine.

I remember that day at the mountain, walking side by side with this heaven sent stranger, and I smile, because God had always been there beside me, holding my palms up,  I was just too distracted listening to the storm, and holding on to my fears.

Thank you Lord for all the wonderful gifts you put in my palms, sometimes they may not look so good at all, but you are perfect in turning sour into sweetness.  All the glory and praise are for You.

Through this wonderful experience I cannot but hold on to this verse, and live by it when the strong winds begin to blow.

“Love the Lord your God with all heart and with all your soul  and with all your strength.” Deuteronomy 6:5 NIV

 

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