Breaking Chains!

As I have been reading What Happens When Women Say Yes To God, by Lisa Terkeurst, I realized I was neglecting my quiet times with God, under all kinds of excuses, so I made a commitment to be persistent, and focused (I even got my self a pretty notebook to start journaling, since I had never done it before). And with a cup of coffee at hand, I began what I thought was going to be a tender and sweet moment…

la foto copia

Then a very strong word jumped right in front of my eyes, and made me feel a small pain, like if there was a tiny pebble inside one of my shoes and I was trying to run, but the discomfort wouldn’t let me. The word was… I feel certain sadness just by writing it:

HYPOCRITE [hip-uh-krit]

“A person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess …”

hypocrite

“You Hypocrite! First take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye” Mathew 7:5 NCV

Have I been that person Lord?  The answer was clear: Yes!

I have been that person the Bible and the dictionary talk about, every time I put  someone down with a nasty comment, every time I have thought how I ‘would have done it better or different’, every time I have made those close to me (which makes it even worse) feel bad, just by staying quiet, when all they needed was love and understanding, every time I let judgmental words float in the air between my husband and I, so he can quickly ‘catch them’  … and the list goes on.

Then, my quiet time became like a roller coaster, when I read some of the synonyms that most struck me:

Impostor, actress, cheat, deceiver, fake, fraud, pharisee, pretender, wolf in sheep’s clothing…

I realized I have been captive for such a long time, and the ‘kidnapper’ has been judgement.  How easy it has been to judge others based on my own ‘reasoning’. The easy way out of my insecurities and weaknesses, and I am sad to confess this, has been judging others, so I could feel, depending of the circumstance, a little bit better about my self.  What a cruel captor judgement has been, making me depend on him to feel good about my self.

As I kept reading,  and writing on my brand new journal, I realized how, all that is necessary to begin the ‘judging journey’, is ‘ to notice’ the dust on a friend’s eye. But when I am walking, it is so easy to catch dust in my eyes, I thought. I asked God then, to move my focus to the ‘big pieces of wood’ in my own eyes, that dangerously cloud the entire vision.

The chains have been strong in my life, they are made of wood, and I have allowed them to grow into big forests of baobabs (I remembered the drawing of huge african trees, on the Little Prince, one of my favorite books). These chains have kept me feeling bitter, hurt and helpless, after the words of judgment spring out from my mouth.  These chains of guilt  magnify my insecurities, because at the end, the dust I see in other’s eyes, is imaginary, and  is way smaller than the big pieces of my ever growing baobabs.

Baobabs

God did speak tenderly, but firmly to me this morning. If I keep judging others, I will only become one of the synonyms on the list, I’ll carry these chains all around me, suffocating me; I will keep watering these baobab trees that inhabit within me, until they will lead me into spiritual blindness.

What I want for my life is to shine in His love and light. I want to hand the big pieces of wood that are taking possession of  my ‘eyes’ to Jesus, so he will give me back His forgiveness and healing. Today my quiet time was rough, but fruitful. I felt like an eye surgery had been performed on me. I will need some eye drops (His Word), tender care (His, and my forgiveness), to be free of the darkness of this ever growing forest!

I ask you Lord to forgive me, and brake the chains I have wrapped around my life, as I have judged others, focusing on their lives and not on the imperfections of mine. Please Lord, receive the pieces of wood that hurt my eyes, and have stopped me from being the compassionate and loving person You want me to be.  Transform them in beautiful gifts of love and security of who I am in You.

Thank you Lord for our beautiful time together this morning, for noticing me in the midst of my hurt and weaknesses, and for breaking the chains that have been threatening our walk together.

“That is the hardest thing of all. It is much harder to judge yourself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself, it’s because you are truly a wise man.”  Antoine de Saint Exupéry

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